do not stand for me and wait
i won’t be there. it ain’t my trait.
i’ll be gone before you even know
along with gushing winds over the snow
i am the blinding light of your blues
i am the rain of a thousand hues
do not stand there and act shocked
you listened as well but never walked
when the stars drown you every night
i am the sailor of their guiding light
do not stand for me and try
i am not there. i did not die.
the familiar jazz
of lips, and hands
held tight. we sway
through this theme as
the stolen light
of this night.
falling apart like
sky, do not apologize
for change, you are
in the face of naked
you hide your pieces
but your truth is
softer when we
like every line we
color, we can hear
each other’s song
and hold, the way
fingers grip a match
till it gasps into the dark
and they can hold the
I guess that’s what keeps us alive.
I was breathing. Actually breathing. My heart beat was faster than ever. I can’t remember when was the last time I felt like that. Even while writing this, it’s still not in my control. Its still fast. I feel alive. Resurrected. When I was standing in the middle, that’s when it struck me. Its a lake. I don’t know how to swim. I really don’t like chilly water. No one does. No, that’s not how I want to die. I haven’t thought about it, but not like that. That’ll be lame. When all these reasoning strikes you at the same time, that’s when shit gets real. Its been over 40 degrees for last 4 days. That was the icing on the cake.
But the thing is, I can’t run away now. I’m here. There’s nothing I can do about it now. All I could feel was the instant rush in my breath. An exciting one. A bit of insecurity. My mind asking me, why would you ever do something like that? But my heart replying, because that’s what you live for. For moments like these. I felt my heart rate calming down. Should I go further? Why not. And I walked. And I kept walking. And few seconds later, I looked back. I could still point out my bike, but anyone would’ve easily stolen it easily at that point. There’s no way I would have caught him.
I looked around. That was it. I’ve made it to the middle of the lake. A sense of accomplishment. The sun shone behind me, with the rays giving me a pat on the back. But I realized something. Happiness is real only when shared. I wanted to yell. I wanted to scream. I don’t do this everyday. I wanted to jump like crazy. Probably not a good idea given the situation. But I didn’t. I kept all of it inside me hidden somewhere. There was no one to share it with. But I headed back, slowly, still filled with some accomplishment. After touching my bike again, I felt a bit of relief. I did it. Yes. I looked back. There was no one. Just the frozen lake and sunlight reflecting from it.
I was there.