I was there

Fear.

I guess that’s what keeps us alive.

I was breathing. Actually breathing. My heart beat was faster than ever. I can’t remember when was the last time I felt like that. Even while writing this, it’s still not in my control. Its still fast. I feel alive. Resurrected. When I was standing in the middle, that’s when it struck me. Its a lake. I don’t know how to swim. I really don’t like chilly water. No one does. No, that’s not how I want to die. I haven’t thought about it, but not like that. That’ll be lame. When all these reasoning strikes you at the same time, that’s when shit gets real. Its been over 40 degrees for last 4 days. That was the icing on the cake.

But the thing is, I can’t run away now. I’m here. There’s nothing I can do about it now. All I could feel was the instant rush in my breath. An exciting one. A bit of insecurity. My mind asking me, why would you ever do something like that? But my heart replying, because that’s what you live for. For moments like these. I felt my heart rate calming down. Should I go further? Why not. And I walked. And I kept walking. And few seconds later, I looked back. I could still point out my bike, but anyone would’ve easily stolen it easily at that point. There’s no way I would have caught him.

I looked around. That was it. I’ve made it to the middle of the lake. A sense of accomplishment. The sun shone behind me, with the rays giving me a pat on the back. But I realized something. Happiness is real only when shared. I wanted to yell. I wanted to scream. I don’t do this everyday. I wanted to jump like crazy. Probably not a good idea given the situation. But I didn’t. I kept all of it inside me hidden somewhere. There was no one to share it with. But I headed back, slowly, still filled with some accomplishment. After touching my bike again, I felt a bit of relief. I did it. Yes. I looked back. There was no one. Just the frozen lake and sunlight reflecting from it.

I was there.