it’s a lonely thing
living with
yourself
protecting your
breakable heart
but it doesn’t
matter
whether you are there
with me or not
what is the difference
the life was
merciless,
and is still merciless.
it’s a lonely thing
living with
yourself
protecting your
breakable heart
but it doesn’t
matter
whether you are there
with me or not
what is the difference
the life was
merciless,
and is still merciless.
It’s weird to leave the place where you grew up.
And that too, so many times.
You gotta do what you gotta do I guess.
But I’ve realized something doing this again and again.
Home isn’t a place.
When someone asks me, where’s home for you, I can never answer. Is it where I grew up? Is it where I live currently? Is it where I went to college?
No. Home isn’t a place.
Home is a person.
Many persons in my case. My own people who are close to my heart wherever they may be in this world.
So wherever I am, I am home.
Because we are together.
Here’s a little secret.
Something that no one has ever told you till now.
Something that doesn’t exist in any religious scripture.
Here it is: the Gods envy us.
Yes. They are jealous of us.
Why?
Because we are mortals.
Any living moment can be our last.
That’s why everything is more beautiful because we are all doomed.
You’ll never be lovelier than you are right now.
We will never be here again.
A Chinese floating light was perfectly placed over the center of the table. That much preciseness amazed me. The dim yellow light was just perfect to give the similar feeling of watching a sun go down, kissing goodbye to the sky and the other birds that live for it. The only difference was that this was constant. Just like the wait. The wait of her.
I was sitting there for over an hour, serving my sick stomach unregulated doses of coffee and iced-water. I was getting sicker. But somebody clearly didn’t care. “I will be there before you get there.” Her words were still all over my mind. The intensity of those words had fooled me. As the result, I was there, and she wasn’t.
Patience is the virtue of success. I said okay, let’s try this virtue. I sincerely believe there should be a hidden part of that quote somewhere. Somebody forgot to mention it. I realized that when it was too late to realize anything. No calls, not even a text message. Why did you want me to question your integrity and honesty? Sometimes there is no reason. None at all. You just do what you feel like doing. As simple as that.
Finally, when I was on the verge of losing it, she called me. And it wasn’t the kind of call I expected. Full of emotions. Solid ones. One thing I’ve noticed a lot, when it comes to emotions, women know how to paint the canvass with full set of oils, while men are busy doodling with crayons. I let out a sigh and hung up. Yes, I lost it, but in a non-destructive way. I tried to replace the burden of emotions on my shoulders with a bag of feathers. But I forgot how dangerous it could be to just throw it away. Someone will get hurt. But this time, it wouldn’t be me.
The waitress on one hand was sad for me, as she was the individual audience of the whole theatrical play that just took place, but on the other hand, happy for the tip she got. My broken heart was still kind enough to look after that. The walk to the front door was definitely a long one. Suddenly every one appeared to look towards me and appreciate my will power. “You are strong. You can’t be broken. She didn’t deserve you.” Nobody said those caring words. Nobody. But sometimes, people have this weird habit of sticking their head up high even when they are feeling low to look over the crowd and always watch for the opportunities they can pounce on. Yes, I was that Tiger.
I saw her walking in while I was leaving. A name tag around her neck. A smile that was honest. That smile was good enough to attract the attention. It all made sense at that moment. All it needed was some lost courage that I found at the right time. A deep breath, in, out, a little head movement to clear my mind, a quick hand brush through my hair, and I was ready to dive in again. Life never forgets to amaze. Never!