I wake up
and all I hear
is breaking glass.
I am
down, deep in
South, but
the shattering brings me
back to life.
it seems
the silence of the
barren lands isn’t
holy enough
but don’t be afraid,
I’ll pick up
my sinful pieces, then
help you
gather yours.
I’m not
scared
of getting hurt and
moving on.
I’m scared of staying at one place
and being the same.
forever.
I wanted to
spend some time
with the universe,
the stars and
moonlight.
hear their stories
and animate those
words to
every soul I lay
my eyes upon.
but there was
this fear of
moving in that direction
for I may lose
what I have now
and not find anything
except loneliness.
I took
that forbidden path anyway
and realized, all
I wanted
is to drag the time
out for
a few moments.
Fear and Laziness.
These are the two things that hold me back.
These are the two things that hold you back.
These are the two things that hold EVERYBODY back.
From anything that you want to do.
That you want to be.
Fear of rejection or laziness of execution is stopping you from winning.
Its either both or one of these things for sure.
That’s it.
I was asked: if I could go back in time what would I say to my younger self?
I sat thinking.
So many things ran across my mind. I saw my younger self getting hurt and breaking his bones (literally). I would put my hands on his shoulder and help him get up and tell him everything will be fine. I would tell him keep doing what you’re doing, you’re going to have lots of stories to tell when you grow up.
I’d explain to him why every decision that went against him and every “unlucky” moment in his life was actually a good thing. How every problem would become a story. How every person he loved and lost would contribute to who he would become.
I’d tell him to keep looking forward.
To not dwell on his past.
To keep doing what he likes to do and not listen to others.
To not wait and ask her out already.
To say yes to more opportunities.
To not give a shit about unnecessary expectations.
To stop wasting time and learn something instead.
But then I pause. I think of how knowing all this ahead of time instead of experiencing it himself would be of less use to him.
If he wasn’t lost, he wouldn’t know what he needed to find.
So now I know.
If I go back, I would tell him nothing.
Because every problem, every fear, every emotion deeply felt by him would lead him to me.
Fear.
I guess that’s what keeps us alive.
I was breathing. Actually breathing. My heart beat was faster than ever. I can’t remember when was the last time I felt like that. Even while writing this, it’s still not in my control. Its still fast. I feel alive. Resurrected. When I was standing in the middle, that’s when it struck me. Its a lake. I don’t know how to swim. I really don’t like chilly water. No one does. No, that’s not how I want to die. I haven’t thought about it, but not like that. That’ll be lame. When all these reasoning strikes you at the same time, that’s when shit gets real. Its been over 40 degrees for last 4 days. That was the icing on the cake.
But the thing is, I can’t run away now. I’m here. There’s nothing I can do about it now. All I could feel was the instant rush in my breath. An exciting one. A bit of insecurity. My mind asking me, why would you ever do something like that? But my heart replying, because that’s what you live for. For moments like these. I felt my heart rate calming down. Should I go further? Why not. And I walked. And I kept walking. And few seconds later, I looked back. I could still point out my bike, but anyone would’ve easily stolen it easily at that point. There’s no way I would have caught him.
I looked around. That was it. I’ve made it to the middle of the lake. A sense of accomplishment. The sun shone behind me, with the rays giving me a pat on the back. But I realized something. Happiness is real only when shared. I wanted to yell. I wanted to scream. I don’t do this everyday. I wanted to jump like crazy. Probably not a good idea given the situation. But I didn’t. I kept all of it inside me hidden somewhere. There was no one to share it with. But I headed back, slowly, still filled with some accomplishment. After touching my bike again, I felt a bit of relief. I did it. Yes. I looked back. There was no one. Just the frozen lake and sunlight reflecting from it.
I was there.
(this is a fictional account of a kid in Middle-East Asia suffering the drone attacks from the US)
mom,
i did my homework
for the day,
can I now go out
and play?
dad doesn’t let me
run on the streets,
i miss those games
and all my fleet
there’s a bad bird
he once told me about,
who flies in the sky
and makes everyone shout
i never see the bird
all it looks like
is a plane,
i wanted to fly one
until one day
when i saw someone in pain
he asked me to run
to hide myself
he never told me why,
but whenever i see
the plane again
it reminds me of your agonizing cry
did it also hurt you?
dad never told me
did you ask him not to tell?
i wish you could answer
or even read this letter
i want to show you i learned how to spell
i’ll come back soon
and visit your grave
and like i promised, stay away from the riots,
it’s time to sleep
and pray for peace
and i promise i’ll never be a pilot
Is it fear that always brings us here?
Or the voices we hear at night?
Do they speak just to make us weak?
When we seek for the light,
We twist, we fall, we crawl,
We break our hearts,
We stare, we wonder, we fear,
But we’re never apart,
And in the space between the stars,
We take it one small step too far,
We make promises and break our hearts,
I don’t want us to get lost in the dark,
Strange things happen but only few,
Where it’s going to lead I wish we knew,
Black roads ahead and without any clue,
We move on embracing the blue..
Your words were true,
To your heart and your ego,
Stuck in my head forever,
Hard to let go,
For each broken promise,
You forced me to give more,
I lost my heart out,
But you never got sore,
It didn’t matter then but it does now,
All this time I try to show you how,
But you never turned back and saw,
In spite of my scars my heart was raw,
You left me there leaving me to die,
With no options but to wait and cry,
But I ain’t going to live to blame,
One day I’ll show you my rising flames,
Between these broken promises and ego,
I’ll make you lost in my echo,
Of past times, when you let go,
You’ll make up for what you’ve done so,
Turn back now, and lie down,
Get your knees to the same old level,
So I can, make you feel,
What I was up for…
You held my foundations,
With the strings of a tight rope,
Never you let me go away from your pain,
Extracted me from every bit of hope,
You make me lie down,
And make me see the sky with no stars,
Just darkness blanketing the mind,
No escape from your happy hours,
You don’t know what it feels down there,
Images of yours everywhere,
Trying to push aside those memories,
But they all mix up in your theories,
Never knew it would be like this,
Just you, only you and no his,
But I ain’t going to live to blame,
One day I’ll show you my rising flames,
Between these broken promises and ego,
I’ll make you lost in my echo,
Of past times, when you let go,
You’ll make up for what you’ve done so,
Turn back now, and lie down,
Get your knees to the same old level,
So I can, make you feel,
What I was up for…
Life in a blog 