alive

Starboy

~ Aakash ~ 5 Comments

I’m a growing
Icelandic shark
all grown-assed, I can
admit now
I have multiple heads

one that smells of
merlot and noir
another full of cold-
blooded diamonds
& often times under the moonlight
it seems, as if the eyeballs
have been sharpied
inside the sockets

I’m still learning how
to hold a hand and
walk through
or drink the leftover
blood from the skull
of others

my hands don’t warm
me and I like slipping
out of myself
often, leaving no hands
to take the lead &
puppet me

my dreams feel like
being sucked into
the sky & I lift, but
it is so quiet.
shhh…
I can hardly breathe

please, hold my hand.
it is such a pleasure
to be not dead and
walking through
this place, with you.

I was there

~ Aakash ~ Leave a comment

Fear.

I guess that’s what keeps us alive.

I was breathing. Actually breathing. My heart beat was faster than ever. I can’t remember when was the last time I felt like that. Even while writing this, it’s still not in my control. Its still fast. I feel alive. Resurrected. When I was standing in the middle, that’s when it struck me. Its a lake. I don’t know how to swim. I really don’t like chilly water. No one does. No, that’s not how I want to die. I haven’t thought about it, but not like that. That’ll be lame. When all these reasoning strikes you at the same time, that’s when shit gets real. Its been over 40 degrees for last 4 days. That was the icing on the cake.

But the thing is, I can’t run away now. I’m here. There’s nothing I can do about it now. All I could feel was the instant rush in my breath. An exciting one. A bit of insecurity. My mind asking me, why would you ever do something like that? But my heart replying, because that’s what you live for. For moments like these. I felt my heart rate calming down. Should I go further? Why not. And I walked. And I kept walking. And few seconds later, I looked back. I could still point out my bike, but anyone would’ve easily stolen it easily at that point. There’s no way I would have caught him.

I looked around. That was it. I’ve made it to the middle of the lake. A sense of accomplishment. The sun shone behind me, with the rays giving me a pat on the back. But I realized something. Happiness is real only when shared. I wanted to yell. I wanted to scream. I don’t do this everyday. I wanted to jump like crazy. Probably not a good idea given the situation. But I didn’t. I kept all of it inside me hidden somewhere. There was no one to share it with. But I headed back, slowly, still filled with some accomplishment. After touching my bike again, I felt a bit of relief. I did it. Yes. I looked back. There was no one. Just the frozen lake and sunlight reflecting from it.

I was there.

Erased Memories

~ Aakash ~ 3 Comments

Everybody please! This one is really abstract, so please let me know what are your interpretations after reading this…I would love to know!

 

At night when I wake up,

I see you asleep,

Lost in your beautiful,

Yet horrifying dreams down deep,

I can feel your breath,

I can touch your heart,

Yet you can’t feel me,

It always breaks me apart,

I’ve been into this habit,

Long enough for now,

Still can’t control myself,

I don’t know how,

To wake you up,

And make you realize,

That nothing is changed,

And you’re still alive,

I sit besides you,

Looking at your beautiful face,

It still is the same,

But it lost the time’s race,

Looks like it happened yesterday,

When we first met,

The scent that you wore,

Still lingers in my head,

Suddenly the Sun rises,

And I wish to wake you up,

My hands won’t let me,

But I won’t give up,

I’ll come again tonight,

I’ll be there by your side,

I wish I could stay forever,

But it’s time for me to say goodnight…

Dead memories

Cuts ‘n Stitches

~ Aakash ~ 6 Comments

2 people passed. Some sadness filled their eyes, but in another moment, they were laughing. Even I couldn’t stop laughing. Same happened to many more. All of a sudden, their eyes seemed to be happier than before. It was fun to see their at-once changed expressions. Why? They all were looking at me! I was sitting on a chair waiting for the doctor to call me with my one leg spread across the floor. The wound gave a very saddening effect to anyone who looked at it but excitement on my face could not be hidden from anyone. The doctor had seen me few minutes before and told me that it was indeed a very deep cut and so, he would have to perform some tailor stuff. You know stitching and all! But why the excitement? Coz I’ve never been into this tailor stuff before. Though there have been many deep cuts in the past, few of them worse than the current one, but there was not even a single instance where I allowed Doc to carry his needles and scissors. I was always afraid of some pointing non-living thing going deep in my body. But today was no ordinary day. My old enemy, football, had yet caused me another of some serious troubles I’ve ever got. 7 years back it was a fracture in right hand, and now there was a volcanic eruption in the toe, again the, right side, with just one dissimilarity. There was no lava, just blood. Somehow it was made to stop by applying some primary first-aid things. There wasn’t much pain but as soon as you see it, you’ll be saying the same thing that everybody said, “Oh my God!”

So as I sat on the little bed looking at the primary preparations of the doc’s assistant and asking him several questions about the time period of stitches (I want to play again ASAP!!!), the doc stepped in closing the door behind him. He looked casual, the way I like it. The first thing he did made me realise the pain that was hidden from sometime. Next he asked me to lie down rather than sitting on the bed. “But I want to see how it looks, the stitching stuff”. This was my reply. He laughed a bit and said, “I guess you don’t want to lie down fainted”. All said, I quickly waited for the next instructions! Then started the process of tailoring me. 3 injections of small doses of anaesthesia to make my toe unconscious. And yet, it wasn’t completely unconscious. I could still feel whenever he put in the needle and took it out. Actually, it wasn’t much pain. It was the feeling of pain that made me feel something new. I had the realisation I was completely alive, no need to worry. Then came the next 2 injections, to lighten the effect of wound. Now that did hurt. Actually it was the only thing that hurt, the injections. Who the hell invented them? Couldn’t the doses be given by drinking or something like that?

So once again I moved out of the room with a different expression on my face, the expression of triumph. People, as before, looked confused, seeing my toe and then my face! I signed the form of something I don’t read in the pathology lab and then waited for my father to come back. He went to get the meds. Suddenly my cell started ringing. I picked it up and here’s the little conversation:

Friend: Hey where are you?

Me: At the hospital.

Friend: Why? What happened?

Me: (in a serious tone) I’m a father now.

Friend: What the hell!

Me: (couldn’t stop laughing!!!) Just kidding. Don’t worry; my clothes were torn, so I came here to get them stitched.

Friend: I think you are out of your mind. Will call you later

And he hung up.

But I couldn’t stop laughing!  🙂

Back to Life

~ Aakash ~ 2 Comments

Hey everyone! This one is one of the most random thing that I’ve written, even though I don’t know why I wrote it.

Maybe you can enjoy 🙂

When I stood out there on bed,

People were sure that I was dead,

They covered my face with that lie,

And I could not move nor fly,

The tears were streaming down their face,

But to me it was such a disgrace,

They even held me like I was their son,

But still they wanted me to burn,

Few of them sad from the news they heard,

Of how I got here from some neighborhood nerd,

Why don’t they just leave me alone,

And stop telling everyone on their phones,

I tried to prove every bit of them wrong,

By moving my hand or singing a song,

But the power is nowhere to be found,

I now feel myself laying on the ground,

But the smell of gifted flowers still found my nose,

I realized I could make out between a hibiscus and a rose,

I tried to breathe fast to give out some sign,

But to them I was laying just fine,

Suddenly the beep moved from dead to alive,

People were shocked as I let out a sigh,

Why try to kill me when I’m alive,

This is me coming back to life!